wordsmith
Libatious
She was your constant
Your lover
Your friend
Priority
Mistress
She kept you from me
And she ripped us
Apart.
The man you were eroded
As you drank and she sank into you
Your goodness dulled
By the haze of intoxication
Your abuses amplified
By the steady darkening of your mood
So I widened the gap.
You swam in the pain of our parting.
Gulping down mouthfuls
Of hatred and her
And anger and her
And blame and her
Never once reaching
For my hands
Trying so desperately to save us.
Thrashing against every effort
Drowning in denial
You slipped beneath the surface
And were lost to her depths.
A beautiful life
A beautiful wife
Two little men
All yours to defend
But you lost it all
To alcohol.
Falling Down
The pieces are crumbling
Breaking away
Like clay
From the solid form that once surrounded me
Defined me
Was all that I knew
That was built upon you
But now
It’s powder
Just dust
Fistfuls of dirt
On the winds of my changing fortunes
Sand clouds in the desert
I woke in
When the rumbling stopped
When the crashing ceased
When the path that I walked left me weak and diseased
And as the ringing in my ears dulls to a scream
All I can think
Is why,
Why does this keep happening?
Where is the man for whom I can build a castle
A temple
And a throne?
Maybe he’s been
Nothing but a dream
All along.
The Seed
I’m waiting
warm and silent
the pain of the split is over
new shoots of life
wriggle through the cracks in me
reaching slowly
gently
carefully
into my surroundings
selectively seeking
that which will nourish
and protect
not needing the sun just yet
held in the comfortable darkness
the world above
a whispering future
I am ready but not anxious for
the sun
a reward
for the struggle behind me
a promise
of the days before me
but for now
I’m waiting
open and ready
patient and free
warm and silent
He Made Me
I’m made of broken pieces –
Perhaps once part of a whole,
Not certain what the picture was
Before my image was no more.
Many have come to see them,
Sprawled across the floor –
Never to be as they were before
And never really wanting them in any other way
Than their lovely disarray.
Some saw me as a puzzle
And tried desperately to solve my soul,
Others saw just a mess
And left them and me alone.
A few saw a shot at chaos
And went ahead with their own smashing,
Sending my pieces flying carelessly around
As they bounced and bashed unbound…
And then there was you
Who looked at me from above
With tenderness and with love
And saw not the remains
Of something once whole
But the limitlessness
Of what could become of my soul.
My many sharp edges
Became treasures
Where the light reflected perfectly so.
The mismatched colors
Were a spectacle of wonder,
And the missing were never missed.
Hand over mine,
You guided me
With love and creativity,
And in a fashion nearly formulaic
You turned me into a beautiful mosaic.
Writing on the Line
Writers understand that there is a thin line between that which is largely considered acceptable content and that which is not. Some things live in this sort of gray area, like the tropics to the equator or the habitable zone around our sun. Others are close enough to the line that one might catch some flak from family or friends. Then there are the things on and beyond the line; and if you go far enough, leaving the relative warmth of questionable content and heading deeper into the shade, you will eventually enter the realm of anonymous publishing and unclaimed pseudonyms.
Truth be told, I have always written on the line – even at a fairly young age. I like the line. I enjoy being near it. It feels dangerous to explore the emotions that drive us to the edge of our comfort zone, to imagine which would put us over, and how it might feel to fall. Writing about those things seems considerably safer than actually being in the moment. Depending how far one’s imagination roams, however, the possibility of being drawn over the line in reality intensifies. There is a point at which life will begin to mimic art, and that point is always far more accessible to the artist than the observer. This risk is, for some, what makes the line so difficult to resist.
Writing is (or at least in my opinion, should be) a visceral experience. It starts with a spark – an idea, an image, a moment, a sensation, but it is only that – a spark. The real work is in seeing the story and understanding how deeply that story exists only because of the emotion generated by it. Stories are so thoroughly human. They live for no other reason than and are always about people – even a perspective of an inanimate object would have to be personified in order for its story to be told.
In this sense, we come to see that there is an emotional currency that is exchanged between writers and readers. Writers invest their time producing that which is intended to elicit the emotions their audience desires, while readers make their own investments in the hope of having a certain emotional experience. What any one reader desires is highly personal and quite varied, but in many cases it can be as simple as the desire to be happily entertained. With people seeking all kinds of responses, there are markets out there for everything – even for that which sits on and beyond the line.
In the case of writing on the line, the investment writers make is riskier. Aside from the obviously smaller markets and stronger need for anonymity, there is also the emotional risk. It is impossible to engage a reader in an emotion that is unexplored by the writer. Thus, we go, faithfully, courageously, into the wilds of the human mind. What we discover may be far too sensitive for us to write about, or perhaps we’ll uncover something in the gray area that touches us and we can embrace with careful arms. We might be appalled or enlightened. We can be turned off or turned on. Some writers will sit and stay, while others simply broaden their territory of enjoyable content and create diversity in their portfolio.
Call us literary thrill seekers, reckless writers lacking decorum or good sense, irreverent, or irresponsible, visceral junkies living vicariously through the intensities we’ve created in the name of art, people of passion to the extreme… Whatever judgments may befall us for our expeditions into places where society casts a disapproving shadow, we continue to go undaunted. Why? Because the greater the emotion, the greater the content; and who wants to write (or read) anything less than extraordinary?
The Big Reveal – Poetry and the Author’s Veil
I have often been told, and more often cautiously reminded, how revealing poetry can be. It comes from a different place, they say. It tells a story about the author that no prose ever could. Does it? It seems fairly commonplace to believe that poetry is deeply revealing whether the author intends it or not, but I enjoy challenging that notion.
When I was a girl, probably somewhere in early middle school, I wrote a poem about a child murdering her incestuous father. I remember distinctly attempting to trigger a flare in the reader’s chest, a fire that rose in anger and left in its place the coolness of freedom. In my early 20’s, I wrote a poem in Shakespearian language as a middle-aged man who was undressing, for the first time, the woman he’d desired since boyhood… A personal favorite I intend to include in a larger work one day.
Now, I have never been a child victim turned murderer or a middle-aged man of the Elizabethan era… At least, not to my knowledge. Nonetheless, the poems were highly effective, deeply emotional, and physically stirring. So, who is to say that these works are any more or less revealing than the rest? One could suspect that I was the victim or perpetrator of an unspeakable crime as a child or that my narrative about the amorous couple hints at sexual secrets buried deep within, but readers tend not to assume these kinds of things because these conclusions seem like a stretch. So, readers decide the piece is simply well fictionalized. If I write about the more common events standard to fairly average lives, however, people are more willing to assume all kinds of biographical storylines – ones that may be comprised of equal parts fiction to those that are obviously invented.
When I was a college student – the first time, I was a theater major. One of the many things that I studied (well, as much as I did study…) during that time was Stanislavski. The fundamental idea we focused on was that acting has to come from somewhere. We were taught to draw upon a single life experience that produced the emotions most resembling those being called into the scene and apply them to the situation. It was a very powerful tool on the stage and proves to be just as impacting to the pen.
It is true that artists are creators, and everything we create is in some way an extension of ourselves. It is an emotional expression that is rooted somewhere in our human experience. That is not to say, however, that we have experienced all we exude… even when we are writing poetry. Although poetry certainly comes through on a different channel and has the potential to be more “revealing” than even the most impressive dossier, it is reductive to say that there is more truth about an author hidden in stanza than story. Many poets, with lyricists being one excellent example, weave perfect fiction into meters and rhyme. Frequently, the first person in a poem is just a character as in any other form of fiction, and all it takes to master the skill is a moderately successful trip through Acting 101.
So don’t believe everything you read in poetry. Just because we can make it roll deliciously off the lips and soul with all the rhythm and rhyme of musical meltdown doesn’t mean it is in any way a reflection of a reality in which we, the veiled poets, live. It only means that we are writing well, and that you – my friend – are susceptible to liars.
The Soul of A Place
Settled neatly and somewhat inconspicuously amid the tall trees and pitchy green slopes of Appalachia, there stands an old stone barn revived from the once homestead of a Scots-Irish immigrant and his robust family, heirs to nothing but soil and the piles of fieldstones that remain within and without this structure. The spider-like fingers of thick, ominous looking vines crawl along the broken remains of other walls, deep into the rotten wooden roof of a collapsed smokehouse, and along the heights of this unlikely remainder. Though well hidden from anyone not knowing its location, it is a hive the draws in those seeking that which it contains. They come in swarms to taste the sweet life it promises.
Inside, strings of white lights hang loosely over the low rafters the support a loft. The stone walls that have been covered in plaster and painted over and over now show countless peeling layers, speckles of color emerging from beneath the most recent, broken coat – a simple beige. Large pillar candles, all having seen their start long ago, are adhered to tattered tin trays by the craggy ranges of waxy mountains that have glided in sensuous slow motion down, down. They illuminate the bar and the handful of tabletops that sit mismatched underneath the loft’s shallow rise.
Beyond the aged wood beams through which breathes down the antique lightness of old souls, there is a wide opening presided over by a soaring ceiling of wide cedar planks. The only wall uninterrupted by the vacant loft seems to hold up the room, the entire building, single-handedly. High along the rising wall, the old stone peeks through where the thick overlay has come away, no doubt to the chagrin of those unwittingly below at the time. Topping it off, flying beams as thick and long as ship masts support the roof which glows from lights below and displays a spectacle of shadows black and linear. The light and dark play against one another like the stripes of a crazy quilt pieced together by the complicated hands of time and testimony, hinting at the checkered past of the many lives that have passed beneath them.
Framed in ramshackle best, a low stage sits in contrasting glory at the base of the hulking bulwark. Illuminated in vintage gold, two yellow hued lights hum in their places, metal clamped and shining with pride upwards from the illusion of a gas lit apron. Half-hung drapes, likely the used drop cloths of every restoration, dangle flush against the cool stone, plummeting swags of canvas that serve as both outline and backdrop. Vacant but commanding the attention of those who gather in its imminence, the stages waits with a restlessness uniform to that of the gathering crowd.
A coolness made crisp by the stream outside gives the air a chill that hides the spirits afoot. Years upon years, once limited on a newly settled landscape, now drift along the ebb and flow of centuries old drafts, relieving the room of the dust and doldrums so particular to others its age. Replacing the musk of rustic antiquity is a fresh air that nips coolly on bare shoulders and carries a cleansing hint of sunflower through the upper senses.
The rustling of flat shoes against the planks underfoot play the bass to a murmur of voices punctuated by bursts of laughter and the breaking of glass bottles tossed thoughtlessly into a bin of empty brothers. The tuning of strings and a roll of a snare drum, the whimper of a harmonica blown slowly begin to perforate the atonal chord being played by movement and conversation. With each poke at the crowd, more among it responses. A pop of applause. A single scream or shout. But each time, there is a dimming of distraction, a drawing toward the stage.
Sweating glasses find ledges on which to perch as audience meets show, and music – sweet music – begins to call the names of all attending with lyrics that tell the stories of a thousand men and women who’ve walked these woods innumerable nights and who’ll walk them immeasurable more. The pounding of boots, shouts of exaltation, and sighs of empathy are matched with hands to cover hearts and the combined sweat of dancers too close. Short skirts flare over nude legs trimmed in boots near purtier than the gal they rode in on as the room rises to meet the music in rapturous assembly. Hands glide to hips, slip through hair, or drop back and away. Swaying, spinning, and getting low, down low, while faces turn upward or downward to draw in the freedom from above or the intensity from below.
The moisture that once laid icy fingers on the soft shoulders of the young and hopeful selectively aiming their flirtatious glances now turns to steam. Each eye-sent invitation to dance brings the heat and raises the temperature as quickly as it raises the hopes of some and eyebrows of others. But it is the raising of glasses and bottles bottom up that keep it jovial while the audible delights lift the mood higher, sending it swirling to the vast expanse of celestial bodies once earthly and still dancing in this place – a place rich in storied layers of humanity’s existence and deeply in love with her vivid soul.
Linen Lies
A curtain hangs between us,
a fabric of deception,
a grainy, textured falsehood
almost undetected.
Your words have been selected
so carefully, I find
this linen-like expression
of neatly woven lines.
A closeness you surrender
every time you move.
Your touch is soft and tender
but my skin remains unsmoothed.
Flimsy and thin,
they’re easily told
and easier wrinkled.
I see them unfold…
The truth comes not between us.
The truth I never know.
Just linen lies that keep us
from feeling what we show.
April 20, 2001
The Square Lens
True artists rarely have one form of expression. Though most of us have a preferred manner of speaking, if you will, it hardly prohibits us from babbling in other languages. We can’t help it. Creativity is not a singular experience, nor is it inspired by one thing. Creative people are mediums who channel an energy that can come through in any number of ways. We can see a painting and write a poem, or read a poem and paint a scene.
I have always had a strong attraction to visual arts, though words are my favorite tool. I can put a pen to paper and generate emotion, display images, introduce people to the world, and create entire universes. For me, the writing experience is highly visual, however. I see everything I write. I have never, conversely, been able to recreate those images with the same level of accuracy using any other tool – a frustrating reality for a person who loves working in the visual medium.
While my paints, pastels, and pencils may wield their own unique style – one which I do not necessarily love and can’t seem to alter, I have discovered a newer form of visual expression that has proved to be both satisfying and inspired. Instagram.
I’m sure every digital artist in the room has just sighed and possibly choked back a bit of their last meal, but hear me out.
There is a natural pairing between words and images. They speak to and inspire one another. The world is full of snapshots, tiny visual blips that exist in millions of spaces and at any given second… The turning spokes of a bicycle wheel as it rolls past the rigid immobility of a sewer grate… A vulture’s perch on a playground post… The softness of a flower somehow growing from the crevice of a stone… As a writer, I look at these things and see emotions, stories, poems, single sentences, lists of adjectives. Capturing these blips gives me that chance to share the visual experiences in life that inspire me. The option to adjust filters, angels, and finishes only extends and enhances the creative experience. Simple applications that allow me to lay the words I see across that image bring me to a state of digital ecstasy, allowing me to indulge in an entirely new medium.
Like many writers on Instagram, I am writing in a whole new way, drawing in followers using art conveyed with the split-second swiftness we have come to expect in the digital age. Squared off click-bait that must not only get attention but compel those that view it to want more of what I can provide. Learning to use these tools to promote myself as an artist of both words and images is vital to my success in the professional sense, but it is also wildly amusing and deeply inspiring… The world becomes a highly flammable substance with which I fuel the fires of my creativity.
Sure, there are tons of annoying “chat live” ladies and countless narcissists posting half-nude duck-faced selfies… But never let the glare of some make you blind to the beauty of all who lie in the shadows. Art is everywhere, even on Instagram. We need only open our eyes to it.

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