“Mic check!”

“MIC CHECK!”

“Mic check!”

“MIC CHECK!”

And just like that, my heart is pounding.  A cold gust of wind whips the excitement around the crowd and registers more like electricity on my skin than it does the chilly foreshadowing of a coming winter.  The crowd closes in a little as a reverse echo, quiet than loud, reminds us of the things we know and informs us of the changes.  Then, the closing remarks, each phrase repeated by the shouting crowd, “We will be peaceful… …and non-violent…  …We will respect… …all property… …both public and private…  …And above all,…”

As I shout these words, I reflect on the statements I have made.  I think about how they are so important to the health, safety, and success of this movement.  I think about the acts of vandalism and public indecency, even defecation, which are being played up by those who attempt to discredit this movement and should never have happened.  A mix of hope and sadness color a whirlwind of thoughts, so many in a split second, and then a cheer rises from the crowd – a hooting, hollering response to the final words in our pledge, “WE WILL BE LOUD!”

I am pulled back from the momentary mental flood – the head plague of all writers – into this moment, this place, these people, this march.  Another cold wind forces its way through the crowd, supercharging the surface of my skin.  The beat of a single drum begins somewhere near what is about to be the front, and the movement moves.

It is hard for me to believe that this is the first time I’ve ever done this.  I feel nervous, almost self-conscious, and the sound of my own voice yelling is strange and uncomfortable, but I press on.  As the group moves further from the starting point, I have the feeling of being in a parade, something I have done.  I notice the people on the sidewalks looking at us, some smiling, some cheering, others scowling, and many taking pictures.  I resist the temptation to smile and wave like a half-witted beauty queen atop a moving pink-and-white iced wooden cupcake.  I refocus on the people ahead of me, and I continue to yell even though I feel a bit silly.  I know that what I’m doing matters, that it has to be done, and if I am unwilling to do it than I do not deserve to benefit from its efforts.  I think about how many people know they will feel as I do at this moment, and I wonder how many of them aren’t here for that reason.  I credit myself for stepping beyond my shallow suburban comfort zone, and by the time the group turns the first corner, so do I.

The group is yelling things like “Banks got bailed out, we got sold out” and “no representation without taxation.”  I believe what I am saying.  I’m settling in.  I notice that the crowd is swelling, putting my middle position much further from the front and back than I was when we started only a few short blocks ago.  Another high-voltage breeze pushes through the crowd.  Signs held high wiggle as their bearers struggle to control them.  The wind sweeps upward, carrying our voices high along the shiny walls that narrow the sky above us.  I follow our voices with my eyes, realizing that the places to which our cries sore are the parapets of the glass castles in which our tyrannical adversaries hide, enthroning themselves with political manipulations and drenching themselves in the thick rewards of their loathsome, unscrupulous behaviors.  I yell louder.

I find myself gaining momentum as the march presses on.  The crowd in yelling, “We are the 99%.”  An echo within the group is bouncing back, “and so are YOU!”  The ones in the secondary call are making eye contact and pointing directly at specific people who watch from the sidewalk.  “Spectators” pops into my mind.  I remember being told once that life is not a spectator sport.  This, I realize, is why I am here.  It is also why, against my husband’s wishes, I have my two-year-old on my back.*  I want him to learn participation the same way he learned speaking and eating, by just doing it all his life.  I suddenly feel a gratitude I’ve never felt before, gratitude for the very thing that got me in most of the trouble I’d been in during my life thus far: the wing-walker gene.  It is the little thing in my brain that makes me able to take chances without fear; a sensible nervousness and a bit of looking before leaping, sure – but not fear, never fear.

In my moment of appreciation, I have again turned my face skyward, and this time I notice people in the windows.  Some, in the lower levels, are pumping their fists in the air.  In the higher windows, they are tight-lipped with folded arms, expressionless except from a furrowed brow.  There they are.  They are just men, I hear myself thinking above my now throat-straining shouts, men with jobs that pay for the food on their table… and the Land Rover, but ok – there’s no crime in owning an expensive car or even an expensive yacht, for that matter.  It is the job at which they work that bothers me, as their life’s work has become the business of taking the food off my table and a future of opportunity from the 30 pound promise on my back.  What will his world be like if I don’t march?  And yell?  And throw my fist in the air?

The group stops here, and a girl with a bullhorn spouts off disgraceful facts about the companies housed in these lofty offices.  I repeat her calls with a sense of disgust growing in my stomach.  I watch the windows as I yell.  They are looking back from high above the city streets, from behind their glass ramparts, scowling faces and silken ties.  To them, we look now the same way they always see us, small and insignificant, like ants scouting for and surviving on their crumbs.  They have that part right, at least.  We are, indeed, like ants.

Ants, an army of individuals who alone seem quite puny, but I have never opened a cupboard door to find an army of ants devouring the sticky dripping of my honey pot without that distinct “oh, shit” moment.  The thing about ants, you see, is that they don’t have to be big because they come by the thousands.  They are capable of moving things hundreds of times larger than the body mass of their entire colony, the human equivalent of moving mountains.  They are resilient and relentless, focused and cooperative.  They work together to pick apart things that they never dream of approaching alone, and with time and patience there is nothing they cannot tear down.  When ants are marching, it is for the purpose of their survival.  They head for the target, without breaking their line, without faltering at all, and they attack their mission with tireless dedication until the work is done.  They are, for all intents and purposes, unstoppable; and though they seem small from above, they are, in the grander scheme of things, a force to be reckoned with

Again, I come back to where I am.  Feet planted firmly on the ground, son on my back, fist in the air, hearing myself chanting in unison with the people who also had the courage to be in this place in history.  “…AND WE WON’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!”  A huge cheer erupts from the now enormous crowd.  Again, the beat of a drum, and we continue of our path.  The ants are marching.

* A note of thanks to Occupy Philly, the Philadelphia Police Department, and the Office of Mayor Michael Nutter for making our city’s occupation safe, so that I could experience this day and share it with my son.